If you’re a Single, Christian adult woman and you’ve had sex out of wedlock, chances are, you’ve felt guilty about it. I know I have. But is that old fashioned thinking? Not to the some folks on social media who came after Gospel singer Christine Vest. She recently made headlines for firing back at those social media critics who chastised her for having a baby out of wedlock (the father happens to be NBA Houston Rockets star Dwight Howard).
Here is some of what Christine had to say in response on her Instagram page:
“I’m sorry, but I just have to address all… people.. that consider “having a child out of wedlock” a “sin”. Having fornication is the sin, people. FORNICATION.”
S&LF spoke exclusively to Christine about the social media fall out, dealing with the guilt/shame she felt about being a single mother, and her thoughts on whether single women should be having sex in the first place.
S&LF: What kind of comments were you getting from people in social media in response to being pregnant out of wedlock?
CV: When it first came out (Via Royce Reed, smh) that I had a child, I got both positive and negative responses. From the people who knew a little bit about me, such as youtube followers, I got pretty much all positive and encouraging responses. A few people sent ridiculous comments about being Dwights “umpteenth” baby mama but I expected that.
S&LF: Were you surprised by the comments or did you anticipate them, given the nature of social media?
CV: Twitter was the worst. But I knew it would be bad. Hiding behind a computer screen gives you a tremendous amount of courage and ignorant people use that to try to tear people down.
S&LF: Why did you feel the need to respond publicly?
CV: Well after wearing a sweatshirt that seemed to offend the majority of “Laker nation” I started to receive backlash about being a Christian and having a baby. They kept saying things like “how can you call yourself a Christian and have a baby out of wedlock” and call me mean names that I wont even repeat. So I wanted to set the record straight because some people really think that the miracle of a child growing inside of an unmarried person is a sin. Which is not true. Fornication, which in some cases produces a child, is a sin, so if you fornicate, you really cant talk.
S&LF: Did you get similar flack from people in you inner circle and/or the church community?
CV: People in my church community were very loving and understanding because they know that we ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God. True Christians understand that repentance is between you and God.
S&LF: In your post you said,”Having a child out of wedlock is not a sin, fornication is the sin.” What advice would you give to women who feel ashamed for being single mothers?
CV: Oh my goodness. I totally understand the shame that comes with your sins being on display for everyone to see! I basically hid in a shell my entire pregnancy partly because of that. God knows my heart and He knows I don’t want to take part in leading anyone down the wrong path by maybe feeling like fornication is ok and I felt that by getting pregnant, I had. I was very ashamed. However, God says that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So once I repented I had to realize I was FORGIVEN. So if we are cleansed from our unrighteousness, through Him, we should not hold on to shame or guilt anymore. My advice would be to get on your knees and pray to God to forgive you for your sin and help you to turn away from those sins.
S&LF: Is it a realistic expectation for Christian single women not to have sex? What about women who have no interest in marriage?
CV: It is so hard, but it is definitely possible. It doesn’t matter if it is “realistic” to the world today, because honestly the world would say ITS NOT. However, greater is He who is in thee than he who is in the world. That means, God will give you a way out of any temptation and give you strength to overcome it if you let Him. My best friend and her husband were virgins when they got married a little over a year ago. It is possible. For women who have no interest in marriage, I’m sorry, but 1) 100% of christian couples would tell you, you are MISSING OUT and 2) the rule still applies. Fornication is fornication.
S&LF: What is your interpretation of what the Bible says about premarital sex?
CV: It’s very clear. Fornication is a sin and the bible says those who commit that and other sins will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. (Galatians 5:19-21) That’s why repentance is necessary.
S&LF: Do you feel pressure to marry now that you have a child?
CV: Sometimes I do, but not because I want everything to look right to the public, but because honestly, not fornicating is hard. Lol. However, I don’t want to get married for that simple fact either. So, mostly, no pressure.
S&LF: Were you angry, disappointed or upset with yourself for having sex out of wedlock?
CV: Yes I was. All I’ve ever wanted to do was help people and please God, and somewhere in the course of my life i got side tracked and put myself in dumb situations. I wish I could have been a virgin on my wedding night, but with my testimony, hopefully I can help the next young girl and prevent her from making the same mistakes.
S&LF: Will you wait until you are married to have sex again?
S&LF: What advice would you give to Christian woman struggle with whether to have sex while dating?
CV: If you are a christian, the Lord says, if you love Me then keep My commandments. If you truly love the Lord, you will deny yourself that short pleasure until you stand before God on your wedding day and make it official. With that being said, obviously, were human and all our flesh wants to do is disobey God! I get it, but God will NEVER leave you nor forsake you and He will always provide a way out of temptation! Be strong, ladies! Trust that God will take care of all of your needs and desires and bring you a man that will respect you enough to wait. Hopefully he will be God-fearing and want to wait with you!