I had the pleasure this week of joining a panel of incredible women for Comedy Central’s The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore. As the host, Larry wanted to examine what it is like being a modern African-American woman in the workplace and in romantic relationships. What I said on the show about dating Black men touched a nerve with some Brothers who reached out to me on social media. Because I adore Black men and apparently hurt some feelings, I wanted to clarify what I said.
First, let me say my perspective on being Single and romantic relationships could be considered unconventional and even bold. But I don’t shy away from it, because my opinions are based on my experience, observations and research. It’s also refreshing to say what a lot of women want to say but feel that they can’t say, when it comes to dating.
On The Nightly Show, when we were discussing dating Black men. I chimed in saying something that I typically say about the subject… “Finding a good Black man is like finding a $100 dollar bill in midtown Manhattan. He/it is not going to be available for long.” Meaning, someone is going to snatch it or that good Black man up. To make my point, I continued with a true story about a girlfriend who called one morning to set me up with a guy she went to college with. She had bumped into him about a month prior and found out he was recently divorced. She went on to describe him as a handsome, Harlem doctor who spent a lot of time doing volunteer work in Haiti. PAUSE: I just want to say that most red blooded American women of any race are going to start salivating at the thought of dating a doctor. It’s is the same as a man given the opportunity to date a woman who is a physical match for JLo or Beyonce or Gwenyth. Not saying that all doctors are good men, but for that matter, not all beautiful women are good women. Back to my story.
So my girl felt we would be a good fit. She called me to gauge my interest. Needless to say I was on board, so when she told me she would tell him about me later in the week, I panicked. That’s because I knew that a dude with that personal and professional resume would not be Single for long. I knew the women who already knew him from work and elsewhere, were already circling in the waters. And I was right! I convinced her to call him that morning. She called me back and informed me that he recently started dating someone.
My point is that I don’t think that good Black men, GBM, don’t exist. Rather, I think that most GBM (over 38) are unavailable. They are either in relationships or they are emotionally unavailable because they prefer being Single for a variety of reasons. It becomes more of a painful reality for women looking to date Black men who are 38 or older.
A Black man on twitter helped me prove my position. He reached out to let me know how disappointed he was with my comment and that there were plenty of good Black men. So I challenged him to introduce me to 10 GBM that are over 38. He hit me back with “ok, so the over 38 thing might be an issue”. So there is only an abundance of young, GBM? PAUSE: As a side note, when I was on MSNBC’s Morning Joe last week I was asked about dating and said, “Men over 35 and Single are single for a reason. Either they are undateable or they are not interested in being in a relationship”. I say this because what ever type a man, not even a good man, is looking for he can pretty much find out there because so many women are desperate to have a man that they are willing to work with what he has. Some folks gave me some flack about this comment. But I stand by it. The only thing I would change is making the age 38 instead of 35. Moving on…
Don’t just take my word for it, talk to some Single women you know and ask them about finding a GBM. Look folks, the struggle is real. So anyone who takes issue with what I am saying here about good Black men, instead of a nasty tweet, please send me a list of 10 good, available Black men that are over 38 and are interested in a monogamous relationship and I will match them up with some of really great women. I may even keep one for myself.