I am delighted to get so much feedback for S&LF! Good or bad, I try my best to respond to post here and those that come via email. Not always, but often, when men respond they usually take issue with my mantra. One man in particular (whose name I will keep private since he sent me a private email) emailed me last week about his concerns with my lack of focus on ‘Good Men’. Here is his email:
The subject line is ‘Good Men’, here is the post:
“I often read some of your post on fb however there are some real bro out here that are real fathers and husbands every day I work hard each day and I have always supported my wife so just once in awhile say some good things about the real men that make the difference in family and friends each day
Be blessed”
This is actually one of the nicer responses I’ve received from a man taking issue with my point of view on being Single. Most men accuse me of man bashing, being bitter, being too picky or in the need of getting laid. But most often I hear complaints about ‘why I don’t write more about good men?’. Well, for starters this website (and a lot of what I post on my social media) is for and about Single women. While I welcome interest and feedback from men, my goal is to encourage and empower Single women and enlighten the rest of the world about our unique journey in a society that is overly obsessed with coupledom.
Now, I have dated my fair share of jerks, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think good men exist. But just because a good man crosses our path doesn’t mean there is an instant match. The thing is, those good men are either:
1. Taken
2. Not interested in us
3. We are not interested in them
4. The two of us are just not compatible.
When it comes to the last two on that list, most women will settle because they feel they need to have a man/husband. I could go on and on about why it’s not good for we ladies to settle… but I read a recent blog post on ColdFeetPress.com (gotta love that name) in which a woman shares her first hand lesson about settling. I think she makes the point well:
Not too long ago, someone gave me a great piece of personal advice – not to ever, EVER settle for the wrong guy. At the time I don’t think I wanted to admit it, to myself or anyone else, but her words hit home to me.
I was with a guy for almost two years. Things seemed fine on the surface, and indeed they were that. Just fine. Not good, not bad. Just ok. As things got more serious between the two of us, I slowly started to wonder what my life would be like if I decided to stay with this individual for the long haul. Did he care about me? Yes. Did he love me? No doubt. Were we compatible for each other? Eh, probably not. How did I feel about him? He was a good guy, but I really wasn’t sure.
You see, from the beginning there were little things about him that I wasn’t fond of, but I let them slide because of how much he liked me. I wanted to be with a guy who was head over heels for me, which he was, but for some reason I didn’t fully feel the same way in return. He was a good guy. But there were a lot of little things that weren’t part of who he was that were just “missing” from our relationship. He was immature. Not romantic in the least. Sometimes it seemed like we were just good friends, and I knew that in a relationship I wanted and needed more. Plus, he was co-dependent. It seemed like we always had to be together in our spare time. So, I decided to leave. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But now I know for sure that it was worth it. I waited awhile before moving on, because I needed time to myself before I was ready for another relationship. And I needed to learn from this experience too. If I would have communicated my feelings more, maybe I would have realized and admitted that he wasn’t the one for me much earlier on. Recently, one of my friends set me up. I was hesitant at first, but after I met him things just clicked, naturally. He’s such a great guy, everything I was looking for – mature, romantic, he shares the same interests as me and he is extremely thoughtful. I love that he continues to have his own life and I have mine. We don’t have to spend every waking moment together, but when we do it’s great. Plus, there is chemistry. You know, that unexplainable feeling you get when you are around the person that just feels right rather than just fine. That’s the difference. Who knows what will happen with my new relationship, but no matter what I know I’ll be happy with not settling for just fine.
So, for the record yes, there are good men out there and I appreciate you all. But I will continue to wait for a good man that is the right man for me. Until then, don’t be so offended that I am happy and Single. I am going to appreciate this life that God gave me and spend as much time being as Fabulous as I can!
xxoo
Jacque
10 Comments
Jacque,interesting article.I always tell every woman that I know that there are men out here that can spot a woman a mile away who will “settle” just to be able to say”I got a man”.I also liked your article on single women with no children and what they have to deal with.This is a subject rarely discussed.I am a single man with no children,and I and other single,childless men get a lot of flack from single mothers.
Joeseph, thanks for taking the time to comment! I agree, we need to discuss these topics more. I’m curious… why do single men w/out kids get so much flack from single mothers? Let me know!
Great article! There are great men out there but women and men have to make honest, wise decisions regarding relationships. Many couples live unhappy lives or divorce because of issues within their relationships. I believe most people misinterpret the happy, single woman. As you have said before, we should appreciate the gift of life and not live in discontentment.
I have met men at my job who cannot understand how a woman like me is happy living single. Some times my feelings get hurt when they make jokes about me being single. One man even insulted me by saying when a woman is single at the age of 35 something is mentally wrong with that. Some people just don’t know how to stay out of other folks business like this guy. Why is he so concerned about me finding someone. I love this website you made and I am so glad you said nothing is wrong with a woman being single and living fabulous!
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Then why is it so very difficult for many of us men looking for a good woman to settle down with? Hey wait a minute did i say a good woman? Well where are they today?
Hi Jacque,
I am single and loving it!!! However there is a guy that my friend has tried to hook me up with and we are so not compatible. Just trying to find a way to let him know that. I guess I don’t know how to because I have been the one left and abandoned without so much as a word as to “hey this is not working, let’s move on” and just ignored without being told. So now I’m just dumbfounded as to how to tell this guy I’m not feeling him and I want no parts of him. He did and said some things that were major turn-offs for me so I don’t want to waste time with all that.
In my single days I could not get a date so I turned to strippers and escorts. I was not your classic Nice guy, just quiet and studious. It was really refreshing because I was no longer engaged in a failing endeavor. The nice things about escorts are
1. No rejections
2. No friendzone
3. You can confide your insecurities to an escort without being dumped
4. You don’t waste time pursuing women who are not interested.
5. You don’t have to appear confident or wonder if women like you . This is what drives many guys crazy. I already know that women are not interested in me–so I don’t waste my time and their time engaging in meaningless talk.
6. Your escort is a phone call away.
7. You can be nice to your escort without being dumped.
It really has worked out well because women did not enjoy rejecting me and I did not enjoy rejection. Now this problem has gone away. It has been a win-win all around.
Well i do have to say that there are many both men and women that very much enjoy being single which i really Don’t. And it does become much worse when all your family and friends are all settled down and many of us are Not which growing old and Alone all the time can be very depressing for the weak minded. It is always good to have a loved one to share your life with especially for us men that really should Not have to be Alone when even God said that man should Not have to be Alone. Many others that have been very Blessed to be married with a Good wife and family certainly have very much to be very thankful for since their life is so complete when are life really sucks. It is very hard nowadays to meet a Good woman that is Not so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, and very Money hungry, which today the times have totally Changed from years ago when it was so much Easier for our family members that have found love with each other which many of them are still very much together today as i speak. And today with so many women that have their Careers now which it is all about them since many of the women of today are making a very high salary which they will Never go with a man that makes much less Money than they do. Since many women have really Changed over the years many of them really do carry their greed and selfishness with them where ever they go which it is a real shame for many of us Good men out there looking for a relationship.
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