I am delighted to get so much feedback for S&LF! Good or bad, I try my best to respond to post here and those that come via email. Not always, but often, when men respond they usually take issue with my mantra. One man in particular (whose name I will keep private since he sent me a private email) emailed me last week about his concerns with my lack of focus on ‘Good Men’. Here is his email:
The subject line is ‘Good Men’, here is the post:
“I often read some of your post on fb however there are some real bro out here that are real fathers and husbands every day I work hard each day and I have always supported my wife so just once in awhile say some good things about the real men that make the difference in family and friends each day
This is actually one of the nicer responses I’ve received from a man taking issue with my point of view on being Single. Most men accuse me of man bashing, being bitter, being too picky or in the need of getting laid. But most often I hear complaints about ‘why I don’t write more about good men?’. Well, for starters this website (and a lot of what I post on my social media) is for and about Single women. While I welcome interest and feedback from men, my goal is to encourage and empower Single women and enlighten the rest of the world about our unique journey in a society that is overly obsessed with coupledom.
Now, I have dated my fair share of jerks, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think good men exist. But just because a good man crosses our path doesn’t mean there is an instant match. The thing is, those good men are either:
2. Not interested in us
3. We are not interested in them
4. The two of us are just not compatible.
When it comes to the last two on that list, most women will settle because they feel they need to have a man/husband. I could go on and on about why it’s not good for we ladies to settle… but I read a recent blog post on ColdFeetPress.com (gotta love that name) in which a woman shares her first hand lesson about settling. I think she makes the point well:
Not too long ago, someone gave me a great piece of personal advice – not to ever, EVER settle for the wrong guy. At the time I don’t think I wanted to admit it, to myself or anyone else, but her words hit home to me.
I was with a guy for almost two years. Things seemed fine on the surface, and indeed they were that. Just fine. Not good, not bad. Just ok. As things got more serious between the two of us, I slowly started to wonder what my life would be like if I decided to stay with this individual for the long haul. Did he care about me? Yes. Did he love me? No doubt. Were we compatible for each other? Eh, probably not. How did I feel about him? He was a good guy, but I really wasn’t sure.
You see, from the beginning there were little things about him that I wasn’t fond of, but I let them slide because of how much he liked me. I wanted to be with a guy who was head over heels for me, which he was, but for some reason I didn’t fully feel the same way in return. He was a good guy. But there were a lot of little things that weren’t part of who he was that were just “missing” from our relationship. He was immature. Not romantic in the least. Sometimes it seemed like we were just good friends, and I knew that in a relationship I wanted and needed more. Plus, he was co-dependent. It seemed like we always had to be together in our spare time. So, I decided to leave. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But now I know for sure that it was worth it. I waited awhile before moving on, because I needed time to myself before I was ready for another relationship. And I needed to learn from this experience too. If I would have communicated my feelings more, maybe I would have realized and admitted that he wasn’t the one for me much earlier on. Recently, one of my friends set me up. I was hesitant at first, but after I met him things just clicked, naturally. He’s such a great guy, everything I was looking for – mature, romantic, he shares the same interests as me and he is extremely thoughtful. I love that he continues to have his own life and I have mine. We don’t have to spend every waking moment together, but when we do it’s great. Plus, there is chemistry. You know, that unexplainable feeling you get when you are around the person that just feels right rather than just fine. That’s the difference. Who knows what will happen with my new relationship, but no matter what I know I’ll be happy with not settling for just fine.
So, for the record yes, there are good men out there and I appreciate you all. But I will continue to wait for a good man that is the right man for me. Until then, don’t be so offended that I am happy and Single. I am going to appreciate this life that God gave me and spend as much time being as Fabulous as I can!