There was a lot going on in this week’s 2 hour season finale of ‘Being Mary Jane’! Mary Jane got suspended from work, her niece had the baby, her mother got stoned, and MJ made some crazy decisions in her romantic life thanks to her girlfriends.
Now some (scratch that, many) are quick to say that we women should stay out of our girlfriends’ business, especially when it comes to their love lives. If fact, I would be willing to gamble that most men feel this way and would point to MJ’s actions in the finale episode as an example of why.
Let’s revisit. At the urging of one girlfriend, MJ ends up going to her ex boyfriend David’s house and confronting him. David (whose sperm MJ stole and put in her freezer without his knowing) is in a new relationship. In fact, when MJ arrives the new girlfriend answers the door. BTW, when MJ shows up she has had waaaay too much tequila and makes a bit of a scene. But before she leaves, she manages to let David know that she realizes she messed up, that he needs to be with her instead of the new girl and that she loves him. But the night is still young.
Enter girlfriend number two, who forces MJ to go over to her married ex-lover’s house and tell his wife that MJ is sorry for interfering with their marriage. MJ reluctantly does this and surprisingly, the wife lets her in (Why these women let this drunk woman, who is connected to their men, into their home is beyond me. But that is a blog for another day).
It is important to note that this drunken night began with friend number one confessing to MJ that she is the one that blabbed to David that MJ stole his sperm. That is when the tequila started flowing.
As I watched all of this unfold, there were so many moments when I felt embarrassed for MJ. And there is no question that none of it would have happened if her girlfriends had not gotten involved. But honestly, at the end of the episode, I am glad that they did.
Many of us have seen our girlfriends make relationship mistakes… date married men, cheat on their husbands or boyfriends, stay with men that bully or abuse them, let men take them for granted or use them for their money, steal sperm, etc. Usually, we watch and listen, yet say nothing because we don’t want to get involved. We don’t want them to get upset with us. And I think that is selfish. We are more focused on what will happen to us if our girlfriends get upset with what we said instead of being focused on what is going on with our friend.
I have a girlfriend who is in her mid 40s and really wants to have a baby. Problem is she wants to get married first. She has a long time boyfriend, but he is so skiddish about marriage that she is hesitant to bring it up because he might leave her. Meanwhile her biological clock is on its last battery. And by the way, he already has children from another relationship.
Now, I know she is a grown woman, but sometimes we have to protect our friends from themselves. Like MJ, my friend’s desperation to have a man and a family put her in an irrational place that is very familiar to all of us. That place can cause us to make one bad decision after the next. And the worst part is that we begin to believe the lies we tell ourselves to justify our mistakes. With my friend, I felt that it was worth risking our friendship. I first asked her how she would feel if she never had children. She said it would devastate her. So I told her that she needs to poop or get off the pot with this dude. I told her she needed to immediately let him know how she felt about marriage and her biological clock. And that if he did not respond in the way she needed him to, she needed to end the relationship and stop ‘wasting her pretty’. I am happy to say she did not get upset with me or end our friendship, but she did stop talking about her relationship. But that is ok. I am comforted by the fact that I was honest with her. And at the end of the day, real friends tell you the truth even though you don’t want to hear it.
I am glad that MJ has some real friends who called her a ‘skank’ and a ‘home wrecker’ for getting with that married man, and real friends who stopped her from using that stolen sperm because it is not the right way to go about getting pregnant. And some real friends who pushed her to see that she needed to finally let David go.
In the end, we see a sober MJ return the container of sperm to David, tell him goodbye and wish he and his new woman well. She also got some peace by apologizing to the wife of her ex-lover. MJ was able to do the right thing because her friends did the right thing and told her the truth. That is what ‘ride or die’ is all about.