This weekend, a dear friend and I had a serious session of ‘girlfriend therapy’ as we commiserated about dating woes. It’s something we do from time to time, but recent experiences had us both beyond frustrated. For me, it was a first date I was really excited about until he revealed that he had a live in girlfriend :-/. For her, the on again/off again man she hoped would be ‘the one’ is now officially off for good. She went on to say that she might be done with dating.
I get it. I could and should write a book on the crazy experiences I’ve had with dates and boyfriends. And I am not alone. For Single women that worry about biological clocks and just getting older in general, a bad date can knock the wind out of you… and the end of a relationship that you hoped would last forever, can leave you devastated. It takes tremendous courage for us to get back out there again and again and and again, each time risking disappointment. Especially when it becomes increasingly easier to cuddle up at home with a tub of ice cream and binge watch some great tv. But we can’t let the disappointments dictate our attitudes and or make us opt out of the dating game.
Instead, we have to redefine what true happiness means in our lives, and how much of that we are attaching to having a man. Without question, we should hold on to our hope of finding a GOOD man (GOOD because we can get with any ol’ man, but we should be holding out for a good man that we are truly compatible with and not settle for less than what we deserve just so we can have somebody, right?). S0 redefining our happiness involves holding on to our desires for a GOOD husband and/or children, but also balancing that with the possibility that those things may not come for us. And then, we should map out a Plan B of what our future looks like as a Single woman. Will you Eat, Love and Pray your way through interesting parts of the world?
Will you move to Paris and study art? Will you finally get that law degree? Even if you are convinced you will meet someone, make the Plan B.
Just by making a Plan B… you begin to release yourself from the pressure that becoming a wife or a mother is something that you must do. Eventually you will begin to date differently… focusing more on fun instead of the business of finding a husband. You will still very likely experience dating disasters, but your recovery time will shrink significantly. And for some, your Plan B will become more attractive than your Plan A.
The most important thing is to key in on your happiness and quality of life, with or without a man/children.