I have about 10 pairs of glasses. Not that I know where they all are, but when they’re accounted for, I own 10 pairs in a variety of colors and shapes. What started out as a dreaded necessity became a celebrated accessory in my life. That was a journey. Some years back, when my eye site started to diminish, I resisted getting glasses. But my mother, pointed out that my constant squinting was a huge clue to the world anyway that I needed glasses, so why not just get them? That logic wore me down and I finally got my glasses but would not wear them in public… not around my friends and more importantly, not on a date.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out having dinner with a man and pretended to read what looked to me like a blurry page of gibberish. I only felt more self humiliation when I would feign an adventurous spirit by asking the waiter for the specials and choosing from what was offered up. No specials? Then I would ask the waiter what their favorites were. If all else failed, I would suggest the man order for us both. SMHAM (Shaking My Head At Myself). What made this more pathetic is the fact that I am one of the pickiest eaters in the world. So not having control over what I was ordering was torture.
But a couple of years ago, I had an epiphany which put me on the journey to creating S&LF. I realized that the man that I wanted in my life needed to be a man that would love me for me… limited eye site and all. As women we can be overly accommodating when it comes to dating. We spend so much time trying to be the perfect version of what that man wants us to be that we often loose pieces of what makes us comfortable, happy and who we are. I found that in doing this, I was living a lie.
I found myself attracting and being attracted to men that were not compatible with my authentic self. So my relationships didn’t stand a chance. I realized if I wanted a real relationship, I had to start living my truth. That began with the decision to put on my glasses when out on dates. That meant not just wearing the glasses the entire time, so he would think I just wore glasses, but pulling them out when needed, so he would see that I needed the glasses to read. It wasn’t easy at first. There were times when I chickened out. But once I got comfortable with it, I have to admit it was freeing. The best were the men who tried to sneak a squint at the menu when I wasn’t looking. They themselves were embarrassed to wear glasses. I often offered mine. That was a great feeling.
Now that I opened the door to living my truth, I decided to walk through. At it was great! No more pretending I had time to go out or talk on the phone for hours when I actually needed to get work done or get some sleep; no more pretending; to be into sports; no more pretending my dogs did not sleep in my bed; no more pretending to enjoy spoken word (I just can’t); and no more pretending that I want to see the dude-movie, Lone Survivor when I really want to see the romantic film, Her. It’s not that I’m not open to compromise, but I just preferred that a man decide to like me for who I really am and that we make decisions based on what both of us wanted.
Some women would rather compromise who they are and what they want for the sake of having a man. I used to be that way. But not any more. I may be Single for now, but I’ve never been happier!