By Jacque Reid, Editor In Chief
For reasons I can’t articulate, I have not found ‘the one’. It’s not for lack of trying. I have quite the dating resume… filled with the heartbreaking bad boys, as well as some good guys, with whom I did not go the distance (sometimes their faults, sometimes mine). But I still date in hope of connecting with my ‘one’. That’s why I am always open to dating advice from people I respect, like First Lady Michelle Obama. No she hasn’t written a book about how to find and marry a great man, but she did make a comment about a year ago that still stands as my favorite. Here is what she said:
“Cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, ‘Who are you as a person?’ That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know.”
“When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole,”
“And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married. Get out of it and find that person that brings you complete and utter joy with who you are at the moment.”
I love these words because they encourage Single women to focus on our own happiness within a relationship. We ladies can spend so much time in our relationships being nurturers that we forget about making sure we get what we need. Also, we are often so busy trying to be everything a man wants, we don’t think about the importance of making sure he has the qualities we want. And what is worse, we are so happy to just have a man that we don’t care whether he possess those key qualities that will make for a healthy partnership… and so we end up working overtime trying to keep him happy, and trying to save the relationship.
I feel Mrs. Obama’s advice should be basic dating criteria for all Single women. But I also feel that once you are over 35, finding a man with a good heart who treats you well is not enough. While I agree, his looks should NOT be at the top of your check list, you do want a man who you fell an attraction for. And while his ‘bankbook’ doesn’t have to put him in a millionaire bracket, you may want to a man that has a financial/retirement game plan (unless you don’t mind supporting a man, which some women are ok with. Do you.).
The bottom line is there is nothing wrong with having standards. It definitely makes finding a match more difficult, but isn’t being truly happy worth the wait?