BY CARMELIA RAY
Matchmaker & Attraction Expert
When your biological clock is ticking, you feel like you’re dating clock is clicking right alongside. As a dating and relationship expert, I’ve had the unique opportunity of speaking with thousands of single women (many of whom are moms) post break-up, who are now on their own searching for the ‘Mr.Right”. These women had found their “Mr.Right now” at a time when they were listening to their biological clock.
As the clock ticks, there is a tendency to place a tremendous amount of pressure on you to hurry up and find a (willing) man. Unfortunately for some of you ladies, it translates to finding someone who may have similar goals to raise a family and have children, but very little compatibilities in other areas of your life. There is a reason the phrase “love is blind” is commonly used and referenced, to describe when someone ignores obvious signs of trouble, incompatibility or blatant difference in values, yet remains with their partner. When you’re biological clock is ticking, you could be viewing men with rose colored glasses as well, and ignoring common sense when your need and want to have children, surpasses your need to be in a healthy relationship.
If being a mother is important to you, you could also consider the possibility of choosing to have a child on your own. The truth is, if you rush into a relationship with the wrong man, you might end up becoming a single mother in the long run, and attached to someone for a very long time you might not want to have much to do with. Assuming you are however currently single and interested in finding, meeting and staying with someone, to raise a child and have a family in a traditional way, here are a few tips to help you not to date desperately, even though your biological clock is ticking.
Tip 1- Make A List Of What You’re Looking For
This seems so trivial for many ladies, but I am so surprised at how many of you have never sat down with yourself, your thoughts and a pen and paper in hand to create your “wish list” or description of your “ideal” partner. The most important lesson of this exercise is to have a plan and create a standard for which all potential men you meet will measure up against. When you know what you’re looking for, you have more clarity, meaning and purpose to your search. This doesn’t mean you create an obstacle list, or a super human list that no man could ever measure up to. This list should include some basic values, and consider the important core values and lifestyle you want to share with your ideal partner and how you’d like to raise a family. You can’t attract the right man into your life when you don’t know who he is or what he’s like. When your thoughts are not clear about the ideal man you want, you might end up settling with the man who shows you interest, rather than a man who you’ve carefully attracted and selected
Tips 2 – Start Living Your Single Life Fabulously!
Being mindful of the laws of attraction, you have to be the type of person who will attract the man on your wish list. Another consideration is to ask yourself is, how you measure up to the list your ideal man has, of his partner? A relationship is a two way street, so you owe it to yourself to start living your life fabulously. If this means creating your own wish list of things in your life you’d like to have, become better at, and improve on; get to it. A specific example of what I’m talking about is when a female smoker says to me, “I want a man who doesn’t smoke, because I’d like to quit one day.” Or when she wants to meet someone who’s in great shape and goes to the gym, yet her work out routine is non-existent. It’s unrealistic to expect the person you’re seeking, to be the type of person you are aspiring to become. You need to BE that person first, before you can attract and keep him in your life. If you wait to start living your life fabulously until your man arrives, you will miss out on all the great benefits being single, has to offer.
Tip 3 – Don’t Settle For Mr. Right Now
As women we are all guilty of believing we can change people; or at the very least “him.” After we’ve created our list, and start living our fabulous lives, we end up meeting potential life partners. If it’s been a long time since you’ve been the centre of attention or have been pursued by a man, you can fall into the belief, “something is better than nothing.” Once you throw sex into the mix, its game over for some of you. You might be thinking to yourself, “What if this is it? What if no one else will like me? What if this is my ONLY chance to have a baby?” The better questions to ask yourself is, “Is this someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with? Is this the type of man I want to raise a family with? Do we share the same belief system and values?” You might be afraid to ask those questions, because the thought of starting all over again seems daunting and time consuming. If you notice things in the relationship you know will be problematic prior to introducing kids in the mix, they will only escalate and worsen, once the normal pressures and stresses of raising children come into play. Stay true to your values and keep focused on your happiness. Being an unhappy and unfilled wife, is not an environment you want to raise a family in. If you are craving the experience of motherhood and raising a child, I can say with a great deal of confidence there are plenty of single dads out there who have young children they are taking care of. They are men who are also looking for someone to fulfill their desire of sharing their life with a partner in a 2 parent household. Your clock may be ticking, but the possibility of being a mother and impacting a child’s life positively, exists in infinite possibilities. There are thousands of women with the joy and responsibility of being or playing a mom role, who are not biological moms to the children they love and care for.
So ladies, those are just a few tips to consider how not to date desperately, even though your biological clock is ticking. If you feel like something is missing in your life when it comes to being a mom, remember to recognize the opportunities to celebrate your ability as a woman, to exercise parenting opportunities through your family, friends and youth in need if you have to. There is certainly no shortage of children who could use and appreciate the love you have inside of you. And to that point, continue to live your life fabulously, while making a conscious effort to find, meet and attract the type of man who will be there for you through life’s journey.
Follow Carmelia on Twitter @CarmeliaRay